The Right Tree

It's not a 'holiday' tree. It's not a blue spruce, a Norway pine, Scotch pine or even a fir tree. Nope. The Christian right, led by spokesman Jerry Falwell want you to know they are serious about putting the 'Christ' back in Christmas and you'd better be, too. Liberty Counsel (an organization with the tag line, "Restoring the Culture One Case at a Time) and Rev. Falwell have marshalled an armada of attorneys to ensure that the message comes across loud and clear.

Christians have a right to celebrate Christmas with a Christmas tree.

Now, aside from the fact that early Christians stole the pagan winter solstice celebration from the Druids - decked-out tree and all - possession is, as the saying goes, nine-tenths of the law. If they want their fantasy birthday party for Jesus, in a manger, under a Christmas tree, in Bethlehem, with snow falling and ghostly white angels singing, I say fine. It would be a big improvement over the engorged retail spending spree the holiday, OOPS!, Christmas has become across our Wal-Malled land.

Personally, I think the Puritans had the right idea. They banned ALL celebration, merry-making, decorating and gift-giving on December 25th in order to retain focus on the religious aspect of the day. How about that, Jerry? Care to stand between the fanatic faithful and a blue-light special to restore that culture?

Falafel Head

Blue Gal made me do it, and don't cha know falafel head is better than falafelsex, especially when knit up in Rowan Cotton Glace (greens) and Koigu (falafel balls).

No sauce, less mess.

And, when I tire of falafel head I plan to use this as the holiday centerpiece to set a festive mood for my holiday entertaining.

Falafel head could be the new Knit-A-Long rage in 2006. Remember, you saw it here first.

What Fools, Part the Second

I just love it when the White House clowns, Chump & Krusty, get all bothered and righteously indignant. What? All those pretty hot air balloons they released in the months leading up to the US invasion of Iraq are bursting in a 'shock & awe' redux here at home? Not to worry. There's plenty more gas bags where those came from, but the latest releases are noticeably more transparent. My current favorite was launched last night by Krusty: "The president and I cannot prevent certain politicians from losing their memory, or their backbone," Cheney said last night. "But we're not going to sit back and let them rewrite history." For the moment, I'll ignore the oxymoron of juxtaposing "politician" with "memory" and "backbone." Too easy. But, how DARE the administration's critics attempt to rewrite the history the Bush administration worked so hard to fabricate? That's a stunner, Krusty.

What Fools These Mortals Be

In preparation for attending a local theatre production of "The Taming of the Shrew," I ducked into a Barnes & Noble outside Dallas in hopes of finding a paperback version of the play to read on the plane. Helpful saleslady: "You look like you could use some help. Is there something specific you're looking for today?" Me: "I'm looking for 'Taming of the Shrew' by Shakespeare." Saleslady: "OK. Shakespeare has his own corner right over here. Let me show you. Yes. Here it is, 'Taming of the Shrew.' And this is my favorite edition. Look! All the left-hand pages are Shakespeare, and the right-hand pages are an exact English translation!" . . . um, OK. I know I'm living out on the edge of normal with an advanced degree in English literature, but I never realized I was bi-lingual. Apparently, it's true. I speak English and Shakespeare. Sometimes both at the same time. Thou cans't maketh this sh*t up.

Avert Your Eyes

In honor of Dia de los Muertos, I consumed a delicious concoction of shrimp and mussels and spent the weekend watching my face blow-up to monster proportions. Ah, but I was only toying with the idea of death by histamine overproduction. Next time I feel the need for a facial peel, (did you know your eyelid skin can peel?) I'm sticking with the artificial chemical variety. And speaking of scary, puffy faces . . . we certainly have been seeing enough of "Scooter," Karl Rove, and Dick Cheney lately, but where has Rummy gone? Probably shelved in some sort of damage control effort by the White House. The reappearance of His Nasty Highness might actually remind the public that this Valerie Plame case is ALL ABOUT the administration's phony, trumped-up reasons for going to war in Iraq. Now, you'll have to excuse me. Another piece of my face just fell onto the keyboard.